Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Singleness... a blessing or a curse?

So you are a Christian single lady …but is it a curse or a blessing?

Over the next couple of days we’re going to be looking at how to live life as a single in a world where Christian women are all expected to want to be wives and mothers. That may still be your ultimate goal – to find your very own Prince Charming and have a brood of little princes and princesses – but until that happens how do you live life to the full?

It is natural to struggle with being single when we have been brought up with films like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and Snow White – films where the girl always overcomes trials and heart-ache to get her prince and live happily ever after. We’re brought up to believe that anything is possible, that the maid can get her prince and that the ultimate goal of every girl is to get married and have a family.

But what do we do when life doesn’t pan out like that and when we end up without a boyfriend or husband, never mind the lovely house filled with perfectly behaved children?

I want us to first turn to God’s Word. It really doesn’t matter what anyone tells you, but when you can see things straight from God’s Word it helps us to realise that this is another issue that God is passionate about and really does care about.

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul explains that for him singleness is best – and you can clearly see how God uses him through this time. He is able to get up and go on all the missionary journeys that he does – he is able to travel freely without the responsibility of family making him think twice. Basically he was free to serve God wherever God led him.

Of course when you are married you are still free to serve God – it just usually occurs in a different manner, but we still serve God as He commands us to and hopefully our lives bring Him just as much honour and glory. But I think for this topic, Paul explains it best later in the chapter.

“This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very
short…For the present form of this world is passing away. I want
you to be free from anxieties…And the unmarried or betrothed
woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in
body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly
things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit,
not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to
secure your own undivided devotion to the Lord” (v. 29-35).

As a single woman your main job is not to be thinking and dreaming of what life is going to be like when you find a man and get married… your main job is to figure out how to bring God honour and glory through the way you live your life to the full NOW. This is a time when you need to get your priorities sorted out – with God fully number one – and figure out what being a daughter of the King really means.

Take it from an old married woman – the more time and effort you put into figuring this out now, the easier and better your life will be, even if you do end up with the husband and kids! This is YOU time. This is time for you to really focus on your relationship with God and figuring out what He wants you to do with your life. You don’t have to worry about a husband or children or maybe even a house or a job – each of you will have a different set of circumstances… but the main thing is that you use this time to grow in your relationship with God.

One of the biggest things that I regretted from my life before marriage was that I didn’t do this. I didn’t use the time to focus on me and God – I was much too focused on what my life was going to be like… in the future. I didn’t take the opportunities laid out in front of me to spend time in prayer and study, in going to different countries to serve God in different ministries, or to spend time helping in church, when I was the one who could have. One friend I have has been away on mission trips over the last three that have changed her life. Not only is she totally focused on learning more about God, but she also has a mission focus to her life that is inspirational. And another friend spent a summer listening to a different sermon each morning as she ran, and then was able to spend the rest of the day meditating on Scripture. It is amazing what you can do when you don’t have to worry about others!

But time is short. We don’t know how many days we have left on this earth – everyone’s lifespan is different but also every day brings us closer to the day when the Lord will come back. So is it not so much more important to be focused on Him than on a fictional wedding day and plans that may come under the ‘what if’ category?

I want to encourage you. This is a season in your life and like any season it will pass. If you spend this season getting frustrated and dating anyone just to have a boyfriend (we’ll talk about that tomorrow) or dreaming the days away you can’t live in the present and not only will you miss the opportunities God has for you to serve Him, but you also may miss the person God has for you because you’re too busy looking in the wrong places at the wrong people.

And if you are destined to remain single, I do believe that God will give you a sense of contentment and satisfaction about this. I have a friend who is now in her 50s and, like Paul, she prayed that God would take away the desire to get married if she was to remain single… and guess what – He did! He won’t torture you with dreams of something that isn’t meant to be. He is a loving God and once you figure that out, and really truly give your singleness over to Him, He will help you through it and either give you a sense of contentment or help you to wait in patient surrender to Him.

So it really isn’t a case of being a blessing or a curse. Its about bringing glory to God, honouring Him with your life and taking the most of every opportunity He passes your way. Tomorrow (or maybe later today because I know this is late!!) we’ll have a look at the whole dating thing – is it ok to date someone who isn’t a Christian? Should we be dating at all? And we’ll be looking at what the Christian group BarlowGirl have to say about firsts…

Intrigued? J I’m fascinated to know what you think so please do give me your input as I write. After all I am an old married woman now so if you don’t agree with something let me know!!

And above all things… keep shining J


  1. Myself personally at this momenet: i'm just so focused on God and where he is taking me..... I just want to have a life where i serve God and Go where he sends me. Personally as i have a serving heart to reach out to others with the Gospel i can only think of being married or anything eles as a great distraction for my relationship with God. The only man i need in my life is GOD!

  2. I myself believe that it is a real Curse for a man like me looking to find a Good woman to settle down with, and still find myself all Alone today. And to see so many others that have been Blessed with that gift certainly hurts me very much.