Sunday, 29 July 2012

What will really help our husbands?

When I thought about this last session, I wanted to finish with something that we all need to do in order to help our husbands, in a way that only we can… SEX!! I get quite embarrassed talking about sex so you’ll be very glad we’re having this conversation over the internet and not face to face!! I probably am the same colour as strawberries right now! J

A couple of years ago I was able to attend a fantastic conference – Intimate Issues – based on a book of the same name and run by its authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. It was fantastic. Most of the two days I spent enthralled by their messages and the rest of the time I spent in tears. I had never ever thought of sex in the way that they talked about it. I never realised what a gift it is.

As I grew up in a Christian culture, I was taught that sex was something you did only in the context of marriage… which of course it is… but the manner in which I was taught this made me come to the conclusion that sex isn’t necessarily something to be enjoyed but something that happens when you’re married, or something that always looked good and perfect on TV (in the clips I caught when I wasn’t supposed to be watching them!!)

Linda and Lorraine had a totally different view of sex and I will be eternally grateful to them for coming to do that conference as it really opened my eyes to how I alone can help my husband in this way.

In the book they give us the reasons that God created sex. Of course they start with the obvious reason – for CREATING NEW LIFE. This was really what I thought was the main reason, and then after that you just did it because your husband would probably want it!! I really was terribly stupid!! J

Yes, God gave us sex so that we could create new life and have beautiful children, like my four wonderful boys, but He also gave us the gift of sex for so much more… I want to just give you some verses and thoughts on each – because they changed my thinking and I hope they challenge yours.

God gave us sex for INTIMATE ONENESS. There is no greater way that you can truly connect with your husband than when you are being intimate. It is just such a special, private time that you can’t help but become closer. As Genesis 2:24 says

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother
and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

The very fact that sex is a private thing between a man and a woman, means it can really help to close off any interfering voices that may try to control or mould your marriage, and makes it truly yours.

God gave us sex for KNOWLEDGE. No-one can know your husband as well as you do. And that knowledge can be a powerful thing, especially when we look at the next three reasons. In Genesis 4:1 in the NKJ version we read

“Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain,
and said, “I have acquired a man from the Lord.”

God also gave us sex for PLEASURE! Yes it’s really true – God really wants us to enjoy our marriages and created this wonderful act so that we could enjoy each other in every way. I don’t really need to go into details here (I hope!!) but there are so many verses in the Bible dedicated to it that I think it may an important point to note!!

“Drink water from your own well—
share your love only with your wife… Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.”

Proverbs 5:15,18-19

God gave us sex as a DEFENCE AGAINST TEMPTATION. This reason is one of the most important of all. You all read Cindy’s story the other day – unfortunately our husbands are fallen men, designed to react to what they see and be excited by visual things. Temptation is all around them. We live in a world where people don’t care about what they wear or how they act and the effect it has on those around them. So we need to make sure that our husbands’ needs are being met by the one person who can meet them properly – his wife. Life is tough for our men, ladies, so let’s try and make it a little easier by being a little more understanding about what they are going through and how we can help them.

“But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband... Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians7:2,5

And lastly, God gave us sex for COMFORT. This was definitely something new for me to think about, and yet it makes perfect sense. When your husband is upset, worried or anxious, the one thing that he wants is to relax, and the best way to help him do that isn’t a nice manicure and massage like you and I would enjoy, but to make love to him and let him relax in the way his body knows best. This isn’t rocket science – you all know what I’m talking about – the lovely way our husbands like to fall asleep as soon as it’s over!! It works and God created us to be able to comfort them, and vice versa, like no-one else on this planet can. David and Bathsheba are a perfect example.

“Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The Lord loved the child”
2 Samuel 12:24

So those are the reasons God created sex. I’m nicely embarrassed sitting here, but I know how much these ideas helped me to embrace the gift that God has given us, and I pray that you will find the same insights. Just before I stop – there is a great ebook that has crossed my path as well that I thought I’d let you know about. It’s called ‘The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex’ by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It is good for everything from your wedding night to getting the spark back (apparently - I’ve not read it all as I just got it!).

So I hope that helped you if you needed help, or just reinforced what you already knew! Next week we’ll start having a look at the ten disciplines needed to maintain a meaningful marriage. So why not take the initiative this weekend and surprise your husband with a little fun for one of the reasons above!!

Until then keep shining… J

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