Monday, 17 June 2013

Porcelain heart...

This is another song that truly touched my heart and soul this year. Several times I found myself feeling as if my heart had been broken into a million pieces and there was just no way anyone could put them back together. I know there are lots of reasons why people feel like this - broken relationships or bad situations - and I think the song does really reflect these, but for me it was different. 

I have a problem with my identity and my self-worth. I am bad at a lot of things - and funny enough they are all the things that I am supposed to do as my 'job'. I am a useless housewife and I cook the same things every week. I am so far behind in my laundry that our clothes think they live in the garage and get out for a vacation to be worn once in a blue moon... The problem is that this stuff is pretty simple - especially when you think of the modern appliances that we have - so when I find myself struggling I take it out on those I love most - those around me - and slowly being a bad mum and a bad wife get added to the list. And although its different for everyone, when these lies started swimming through my head I felt like tiny little chips were being chopped off my heart until my heart was totally broken and in million of tiny pieces. 

When I got like this - and yes it happened again and again because I had chosen to repeatedly listen to the lies rather than God's truth - I listened to this song on repeat.... and I really mean on repeat!! Let's just say that my 6 year old can song along to it and knows all the words!! The song itself is beautiful but these two lines touched me and reminded me of a very important truth in my life...

"Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again"

In Jeremiah 18 we read about the potter and the clay. The Lord tells Israel that He is the potter and that they are the clay - and that He has the power to build up or tear down a nation based on how they react to His Word. And in Isaiah 64:8 we read

"And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand."

We are the clay - God forms us and when we make a mistake or when we break He can mould us and reform us, building us up to be a new creation. God alone can take my brokenness and my self-doubt and my lack of identity and He can turn them into something to glorify His name. He holds me, moulds me and sometimes He may even have to start all over again when I am too chipped or broken, but He does so in infinite patience and love. He doesn't leave me in the state of brokenness. He helps me become something beautiful, and helps me to realise that I am loved by the King of Kings and Creator of the Universe. 

Psalm 100:3 says

"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture."

We are His.  He made us. And when we are broken, He can fix us. 

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