Sunday, 21 May 2017

Facing our fears...

Today's challenge is talking about fear and finding the courage to investigate our fears and try to eliminate them by understanding them and changing them. So here goes! 

A recent fear that I would like to overcome …

I've been thinking very hard about this one and I've come up with two fears that I have. I fear that time is passing too quickly and that nothing is staying the same, and I fear that everything stays the same and nothing changes... and yes I'm very aware that they seem total opposites! Let me explain my thought process. 

I have 4 amazing kids who are now 15, 12, 10 and 8. Even though I often struggle in my journey in the land of motherhood, I have wonderful memories of when they were little, when they hit each of the big milestones and all the years in between. In fact the other day we sat and watched back at some of the old video clips we'd taken and laughed at squeaky voices, baby faces and the onset of teenage moodiness! 

But often I fear that I'm missing out and not actually getting to enjoy them in the here and now because there's always so much going on. We're always running about, trying to get home-works done, dinner made, activities attended and an early enough bedtime! I sometimes feel like they are right here in front of me but I'm missing them.  

And what am I planning to do about it? Well - this summer instead of going away for a holiday as such (we're going camping instead!!), we are going to spend time with the boys being tourists in our own town/country and I'm planning on giving each of them time with mummy (whether they like it or not!!!).

I want to be right in the middle of their lives because these are precious years and I want them to remember their childhood with fondness and love, just like I do. 

But the second part of my fear was that everything stays the same and nothing changes. Let me explain this - as I've mentioned before in this challenge, I struggle with laziness, procrastination, finishing things I've started, mental health issues and a messy house syndrome! I long for things to change - for me to grow into my life and actually make the differences that need to be made for me to be the person I'm meant to be, and to be happy in it. But at the moment it's not happening. 

That's part of the reason I took in this challenge. I am trying to spend time with God as I think through the daily prompts and process my fears / actions. I want things to be amazing. I want my house to be spotless and running like clockwork. I want my kids and hubby to feel truly loved. I want to know God more and grow in Him. I want to lose weight so that I am the healthiest and fittest me possible. 

But that's a lot of work and most times it's overwhelming. And so I fear that by the time I get to 50 nothing will have changed and I'll still have my list of things I want to happen. 

So what am I going to do with this? Well, for starters, I'm in the process of getting organised and getting a daily/weekly routine that fits us as a family. I've now rewritten it 3 times, and I will continue to tweak it until it works. And then I'll move onto the next area and the next - one step at a time - knowing that every little helps and every step is a step closer to what I want. 

I'll keep you informed as we go along and let you know if I ever get it sorted!!! 

Keep shining xx 

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